Writing vs. Art

You know how words just simply flow in your head when you're planning the Gonna-Write(TM)? Well, i hate that. Cause that means by the time i switch the computer on, all those beautiful words would have leaked out like an unclogged pipe! Yeah, in other words, i sound half as intelligent as i do in my head. Hmm.. but switching the perspective around, i suppose the fact that i'm much too arrogant in my abilities might be the cause of that. I mean, if there's no one to tell you 'You suck!', you're be able to praise yourself all the more right? XD

Haha!!

Okay, not the point. No philosophy. Darn, i just remembered i left my book downstairs. Anyway, i've got a semi-major problem. I've always divided the outlet for my tension through three mediums. The first is writing, the second: art and the third... well, that's probably babble. I try to bottle up my emotions because if it flows too much into the third, then what'll happen to the first and the second? I suppose this isn't a fear i air that often cause it isn't something anyone can solve. How do you vanquish shadows formed by your own hands? Someone's either gonna have to cover it or push it away from the light. Let there be emptiness or something.

Alright, digressing again.

The main problem is... what if i favor one over the other? I think i'm a person who always wants what she can't have. The dress that costs 600 bucks? Damn, i bet i'd just drool over it until it's in my hands. Then, yadda! Nothing. My dreams are pretty much the same way too. I've got what i want, which is to be a writer. I'm going to be one, by hook or by crook (actually the worst case scenario is that i'll starve before anything happens). But now, i find that i express myself better in my art. Like, a world, formed by my own hands is ambiguous enough to reflect my emotions, wholly. It's different from my writing which is now used to compare the differences between Althusser and Foucault. It's like... as my written work became more transparent and straight-forward, my art takes an abstract meaning.

Like i can't stand it if my fingers write something that have to be interpreted by a third party. I'm so used to clearing matters for my lecturers and stating my points so that they follow through, that in the end, i can't write my stories as i had written them once. They lack in the richness of meaning, because i insist on dictating how the matters are to be interpreted.

This isn't my way of writing.

I believe writing to be an act of democracy and it should be reflected in my work. But it isn't working. I'm tyrannical in my stories these days. And that's just plain wrong...