Story for the moment

Yo'

I just changed the look a little. I realise that i'm seriously colour-blind... Or at least, the mix of garish colours (unless it is completely apalling) doesn't faze me much. Thus my current room has green walls, wooden furniture, red bedsheets, a sofa that is *completely* out of place and random blue objects strewn throughout. Weird sense of colour? Well, at least i don't wear overgrown (probably carnivorous too) purple flowers on my shirts.

I should tell chibi that i'm so sorry for not doing the piccies and our 'celebration' of Yama Pi's bday. Hahahahahahaha!! That was a bag of laughs. Nothing like a day out with your mates to cool you off. XD Hehe!! (And i promise that i'll upload the pics with a full account. No worries i remembered my thoughts throughout. So i shall giveth the story another day =P)

I should say that this isn't a good month for me. First it starts with me losing my external hard drive. Then it all went spiralling down from there =(

I'm heart broken if you can't tell. I found out that i mailed some of the stories to Ah Bune (Yayness!!) so, the blow isn't too crippling after that. But... haih... i had my archive in there >.< And i didn't burn the stuff anywhere else. Damn it.

I pray for sweet retribution to be paid when darkness engulfs the world. For i believe that justice on earth will not suffice.

Yeah. Don't mess with my stuff. EVER!

You kow why i blog. It's when insecurity seem such a formidable wall that its collapse is the promised doom for your spirit. I wonder if you rise after the challenge?

I think i have come to a semi-conclusion concerning my dysfunctional family and my thoughts. It's important for you to be happy. For you to try to be happy.

And to see the world entirely within the boxes that they live within too. Yeah, it was something that i used to do when i was younger but, becoming older and listening to the cries of my heart, i forget that others have similar pain too.

You have to try and smile, right? =D There, that's practice. Really effective when it comes to smses. You can never tell that the person on the other side is crying their eyes out.

It's easy to fabricate things in words. I particularly like to paint my world with light and poetry. Imagine woe to be the death of a thousand suns only the emotion be not from humanity but the pain from the greens of the world as it gradually wilts to brown. The knowledge of death and doom yet such a graceful retreat for something once so alive.

Human's are brash. They're rough around the edges. None would die with such grace.

Ah, seems i have digressed again. I realise i am not easily focused. I just want to *feel* for a moment then i'd fleet away.

I realise i sound so drama huh? I'm not, really, in real life i'm the most upright thing you'd have ever met. Yea i flail and squeal sometimes but everyone has their weak moments =D

I think that my memory is fading because, partially i don't want to remember. It isn't necessary so why bother, right? It's really a problem cause i'd think about something only to forget it a second later. Much like a goldfish? I think the goldfish has better memory than me.

I missed Mythbusters when they covered the goldfish thing so i wouldn't know.

Or i can but i'm lazy?

I can't believe i can be busy and lazy at the same time. My days sometimes would be so packed but i'd still miss some stuff out and it's basically due to laziness. >.< I suck!

By the way, my results this time isn't anything to be too happy about. As a matter of fact, i should be upset and prepare myself for a due hanging. But, of course i'm too cowardly to do that. So, i'll just slog through this. I don't know if i can keep my Scholarship. I'm contemplating quitting Uni...

Silly i know. How am i going to fend for myself without a degree?

And to be labelled a drop-out... (*gasp!!*)

But, i'm suddenly wondering what all this is for.. I started this sem calm enough, watching all the happy newbies bustling back and forth all excited for finally getting this far. All ready to take the next step.

I realize how i've taken the next step... Standing upon the ascending stairwell to... destiny? And... there isn't anything in front of me. A few assignments maybe, a little light of flame here and there, trying my best to do well but... i really don't know where i'm going.

At least it isn't as crippling as the time i was lost in IT. That was a tad bit poisonous for the soul. I'm complacent here, used to my reputation as a writer in the past.

I forget that i have to rebuild myself with each new step. That the next step comes from me approaching my goal.

I forget that i'm a writer. That i can do it if i just try beyond trying. Just don't hold back. Just don't hold back...

I'm so used to leading myself by my own hand, that when i'm here, higher than when i began, both of me is stumped. We just stare at the vast space before us and see nothing. Not despair, not pain, not joy, not faith. Nothing.

There's a touch of eerie calmness to its paint but perhaps that is what disarms us. We are caught unawares.

Move, god damn it!

I'm not afraid. Just too content to move.