And i find myself thinking of who i was and who i am now. Of how this track seems familiar. Familiar challenges. Familiar roads. Familiar lipids lining the inner layers of epidermis. Everything from the signboard to the patch of grass in the distance screams i have seen this before.
And i go to work every day now. Working only never knowing the meaning of what i do. I have lost my words though i can see colour ever so clearly and beautiful now. How it glimmers with a world that is not life.
I am afraid.
This is not madness. Only a restlessness that i can little control.
I am not afraid. Not afraid of tomorrow that still takes me by surprise.
I am not afraid. I am so scared.
I do not know if i have enough fight left within me. I know if push comes to shove, i will bash your face right in. And that is what people have learned.
Don't push me. I fight back.
Then, each motivation comes from me. I am meant to be an adult. Perhaps this is why potential only stops at a certain point. This point. Because now, i am to tell myself i can do this. With no basis, no support from others, i stand on air and pray i stand tall. My features shall mark no fear because i do not know the meaning of such a word.
As i grow older, i realize the fragility of what it means to be human and i become so afraid. We do not protect the old, because they are so powerful, they move the world with a touch of their fingertips. How many of those men and women are human? How many will break with a single word?
Have they rose to the occasion and i only a child? What does this mean?
And i wish to cast my heart to the wind and tear the tendrils of this tentacled monster that drips slime over my growing frame. Because i can feel it closing around my neck, constricting the very air i breathe.
Can i insist i have wings though it is so apparent that i am nothing but human?
And cry and shatter when i hit concrete but might they not be earnest tears? How brave am i to see what others cannot see? Acknowledge a world so different from theirs when maybe, just maybe i have kindled the desire to fit in.
