Time to make amends, and get off my knees. Chin up girl, look at the sky.
I feel like the cycle is starting again, kinda like old cogwheels turning despite rust and stuff. Pain becomes bearable when you're looking ahead because in insignificance can we see the goodness that is left.
Take risks. Make change happen. You've got something to live for, so do it. I know you've got it in you somewhere, old hag. Get off those puny feet of yours and move. =P
Haha!! I think in a way i regretted a few things with the card. Writing is a little like stripping in public and gosh all those garments are on the ground now! Shyte!!! Well, i tried to un-emo-fy the words, but... i didn't feel like holding back. And... well, my words were worst last time, kay?
When i was younger, my words were like the Kame Hame Ha! But now, it's just like a punch in the gut. Or maybe a tickle. Depends on your defence system.
It was kinda hard to insert happiness when i started cause i could only think of me and wondering, why should i even bother saying sorry to a bunch of people who are going to throw my words out the window anyway? I mean, we're such an apathetic society, that if i do try to make people feel happy, they'd just spit in my face and stomp me down. Heck, even when the other side of my brain tried to cheer me up, i basically told her to take the incessant "love ALL" chatter and shove it up hers! (which was really mine, if you think of it in a lewd, totally disgusting way).
But i did it anyway. Why do something if you don't want to, you ask?
Because... who said i didn't want to?
Somewhere deep inside me, told me to do the right thing. Be a man, do the right thing, right?
It began, when i first picked up the pencil, to be because i didn't wanna be forgotten. By constantly nagging at people of my existence, i never truly leave. I think sometimes, that's why we have blogs, twitter, constant status updates on facebook. Hey, leave an imprint in written word and light a candle in the dark, right? That was the major guilt part. Because, i did not want the card to be an act of "taking". It is meant to be a sincere gift, with no strings attached, i didn't want to ask anything from anyone who got it.
But in the end, i pretty much "gave" it away although i have a feeling i did "take" a little from it. Haih, shows you really can't control your emotions.
But anyways, same as the last time when i produced the card, i've got that little nagging doubt in my head that went, "Oh shit, girl, you dunnit now! Now they really see who you are and damn, you don't have a bikini ready body!" Pah! My head goes "Sentimental old hag! Sentimental old hag!" at every other interval, i should write into a song. My theme song. How appropriate.
I think the good thing about people, is the exact reason why i never wanted to give them the card to begin with. They don't really care. So, even though i'm walking around in my skimmies, no one's looking this way.
I wanted to actually produce a Note on facebook, to write about the inspiration behind the art and stuff but... i'll tell you if you ask. I'm kinda worried that i'm harping too much on this non-issue that something's bound to blow up in my face. If it doesn't matter, then i don't want to make it matter, cause i don't think that's worth it.
This is it, probably the first day of my new year.
Happy New Year 2010, my dearest blogspot.
