God tells me don't gamble - it isn't our way.

Okay, this new blogger thing seems bizarre. But whatevs. Got some stuff to dish out and i really shouldn't complain about petty things like these.

I think my compartments are slowly unraveling. A valid fear is that one day i will awaken to find the world in a jumble of mess. Good news is maybe i can sort it out through redefined eyes. I am functioning with a set that i have obtained since the age of twelve that now, at its anniversary, i should reconsider my perspectives.

Certain things like boys, family and a career cannot be defined as it was. Things change, though perhaps there is that bit of me that should accept for the change to come from without rather than within.

I am so used to being the agent of my own change. To form and reshape and be the catalyst of my own path Maybe a part of growing up is to return to the roots of our existence and keep the faith instead of being so damned controlling about everything in life. Gotta let go sometime y'know?

God, this is probably hard. Especially to a control freak as much as I am.

Loneliness
It isn't something that can be controlled. It is an emotion. A friend, to me. Others bat it away, wave their fists and swing knives in their direction but really, loneliness has done nothing more than sit by my side. I can't fault them for their existence. I cannot fault them for their presence. I will not fault them if they are my mate in life.

Really, i understand there is a possibility my road will end up barren and alone. Others prepare for the oncoming siege. I simply seem to be moving in the path that accepts the outcome.

Forcing others to conform to my world just to combat this friend isn't something i wish to condone. Let people go just as it is possible to let loneliness go. Strange when my hand grasps my own i feel lesser alone. Maybe that's how it should be.

So why do i seem to be chasing after this boy?

Many reasons. One of which is testing the possibility. I have never played the game, thus i cast the dice for once to see if i will roll favourable fates.

I am fortunate this is not meant to be. God tells me don't gamble. It isn't our way.

I guess this is where that road ends and i will be accepting of it. I must not be afraid of loneliness that comes in the absence of a person. I must not be afraid of loneliness that comes in the stifle of silence.

I was given words and a world to be painted. But i must redraw my wings and allow me to fly.

I hope things work out well. Not with the boy anyways. A part of me just hope it bowls over so nothing will happen. But the foolishness of hope also has its treacherous twin that wishes to see how deep this rabbit hole can go.

Well, when he let's go you let go too kid. Reaction time - but be governed by rationality.

I think there is a part of me that thinks if not him, then no other. But another whispers to just let it be. He must not be on the receiving end of your obsession.

Hope with guidance, all will be alright.

Gonna turn in for the night. Will plan a story for next week's luv submission. Hopefully it is something to occupy my time with and all will be smooth =)