Today

I'm being ridiculous again. Or paranoid. Or something which i cannot define. It happens. Shit happens. And i am suppose to be comforted with that explaination of life. I am doing what was labelled as a geek's handling by my fellow friends here. Think got myself riled up a while go during the convo with sharm. Let my anger get away with me. Was complaining about the lack of emotional capacity of the people here i currently reside with. Oh, don't worry. There are those outlier values which seem to give the whole equation hope, but, let's be realistic shall we? The rest are all duds. It falls way below average and that is how life is, my friend. But, that's an old tale. I'm not satisfied but things won't be getting any better any time sooon. What, asking people to change for my sake would make the world a better place? Bullshit. One person's opinion doesn't count for anything. And i think i was being a tad bit spiteful to sheel just now. Sheesh, is there no end to the suffering i'm tossing to these people? I seem to shower them with rain of hale and blood. And on those particular days, when all seem to shine with brilliance for those around me, come the find whirl of needles, trajected in their direction. OMG! WTF?! Like, it doesn't happen, like? Dude, i know the pain i've caused in your life. And that's what makes me ten times worst than the being i am. I guess the biggest person i've sinned to today would be Adie. Yeah, the innocent child walking down the street. As if it wasn't enough that i kept on chattering in his direction and kept him from his meals. I bet he's so tired of listening to the overly garish voice that i have that he'd love to dig his grave if he wasn't completely self-indignant. Yeah, but i can argue my point as well. He'd look for me only on a rainy day. I'm being used but not without my consent. Because, i'd cover his back even if i have to die doing it. Really. I think i would. I'd do it for most random toms, dicks and harrys but that might just be my suicidal streak showing. Keeping unrequited love never helps a person. In the movies, somehow the person finds a way to move on. And when they can't, they become homicidal stalkers who would sacrifice your life for sheep. Haha, that might be amusing. No, really. I'm kidding. I don't know... I don't seem to help out people a lot. With every day that pass by, even if i'm in the best form during the day, i can easily convince myself to be otherwise during the night. I don't deserve happiness, we'll just put it that way. I've done many bad things in my life that, really, if counted for, would plunge me into the deepest depths of hell. God created light. There has to be that darkness to even the trade. And i am made of this so can i see such bits. Maybe i should pray that i don't wake up tomorrow but the day proceeds with it not bumping into the allignments of the other's lives. I suppose i highlighted that one person cause he is the one that i feel most responsible to, today. With Misa, things were evened out at the end of the day and Sam was.... he was alright. Nothing in particular occured that i believed myself to be in his debt. Those three were the only people whom i had constant contact with, in the duration of today. Yet, i believe he owes me too. Thought not with the amount of credit i have running on...