A little crack in my pretty vase

Well, i did it.

I finally made myself alone, so reminiscent of my times in MMU. Okay, to cure it would be just to ask them what time they're having dinner.... but that depends very much if i want to do something of such to begin with....

Wait, i'm complaining about it then trying to solve it then complaining about the solution? Strange much? Or just so me, that it never cease to amaze me, the level of stupidity i display XD

Haha!! I think i'm used to being alone that when i'm here, i try to be alone here too...

A part of my persona that asks for no help also insists i find no one in the case that i'm alone. Reason being i'm meant to be alone. So it is justified. And any given time that i am alone, i should study the moment...

But i forget, a majority of not being alone is seeking company. Seeking comfort...

Friendship isn't a matter of pride and i should give as well as take. Therefore, if i do want my friends to remember that i exist, i should call them every once in awhile, ask them how they're doing. Right? Instead of expecting them to call me because that is plainly selfish.

I think i've been selfish all these while and being estranged... well, i should stop trying to avoid them. I forget, not every company is as forgiving as my old mates. I mean, the cohesiveness of our camaraderie is commendable to a certain extent. Or to my comfort at least, i feel it should be replicated. But it is different from the people here.

I think i do not bring the joy they expect me to bring to the table. I guess it kinda hits your self-esteem when you realize you're not good enough. But, okay, i shouldn't make this about me. I should go and ask them what time they're having dinner, make plans with them, insert myself back into their lives.

Because they're a wonderful bunch of people.

I think me missing won't do much. Maybe that's what i realized when i went with them to the Great Ocean Road. They're a cohesive bunch among themselves and i think a part of me envies that.

But i have to remember, that i have friends back at home who are still there for me. Who are capable of catching me when i fall. So, regardless of what happens here, i do have a place in the world and no one can take that away from me. I don't know how this possessive nature will help me through the problems but, somehow, that is the only reassurance i have to take the risks that i do.

I can be the unappreciated anomaly because... well, it's alright. It is alright. I will be alright.

Just to be sure, i'm going to re-check my MMU entries to see if i carry the same tone. Cause i have a feeling if i do, then it's MMU all over again.... ^_^;;;;