Rindu...

You know... i'm really sleepy at the moment... but, i guess this is my last effort to shake off this feeling of nostalgia that's plaguing me. Haha!! Nostalgia feels old. I would say more off... rindu. ^_^

Sometimes, i'm really happy that not that many people know this blog exists.

I went back to melaka last weekend, which was really yesterday and the two days before. I was really excited. My reason, or so i told everyone was reunion. But the real cause of my excitement was just seeing my friends, was just wanting to hang out with them. I know, darn emotional isn't it? And yes, this is another entry about my life in MMU. I'm starting to think i should change the title... XD but i think the reason i place this here would be because i have no one else to talk to about it. I recognize the nature of my problem and can tell everyone the elements of it but to talk about this emotion and expect people to understand... well, that'd just need someone who was there or knows these people. Haha!! I'm thinking of the ridiculousness of the situation.

Anyways, we went back for the battle of the bands. Our good buds the Celestial Beans were playing. It's a band consisting of Adie, Zha zha, Faiz and Afiq with the three former handling the guitar and Afiq manning the drums. I won't exactly tell you how the whole event went. I think they maxed out the speakers when there is a strict dB control for the crowd but heck, we're teenagers. We like overexcessive amount of abuse =P Basically, when someone plays metallica, you wouldn't want to stand near the speakers unless you're an avid fan of it. I think the music's cool, but music without lyrics that i can decipher is just.... weird. Like funny weird.

Out of ten bands i think at least two or three played this sorta music so... i'm kinda deaf now. And mute. I was yelling so loud that even my buds' were looking at me weirdly. =P I think i just wanted to lose myself in the music and have a good time. And a good time, for a member of the digital surround sound = noise.

It was cool seeing CB, Thrivant, even News at 11 playing again cause this sorta thing is really missing from the monash team. Monash is prestigious and stuff, but their music scene's sorta low. Either that or i never felt the need to take notice of it. After all, i only started going to the college bands in MMU cause my friends were in it. CB did fine. I mean, they're improving and it's one step at a time. They were much better than last time though the sound balance was a little off. I'd blame the sound guy but, it's in the past. Anyway, they've had this problem before. I think it might be that Zha zha's voice is low so it's easy to be swallowed up by any other sound. That includes the crowd if they get rowdy. I dunno... is it possible for yea to sing the same note from the stomach with the same tone? I dunno if that works or if anyone even wants to go through such a ridiculous either, but scrap that. Anyways, i'm only bystander whose knowledge in music is suspiciously close to zilch, so that's that.

THRIVANT WON!!!!!!!!!! Yays! The happiness and gaiety. I'd expect it. They were so good! Yeah, real descruptive but y'know me. Master of words. I really missed seeing them perform that truth be told, i couldn't care if they won or lost. I just wanted to SEE them. Hahahahahaha!! Did i tell yea? Dimas was a part of the thrivant!!!!!!! I was exceited to see that cause he was our old classmate and there he was manning the drums. I dunno, there's something about your old mates making music together that seems sweet. I don't know two members of the band though... The only ones i know are Adie (yes, the rascal plays in two bands), Dimas and Apek. But, we've been following them since MMU last year though Dimas wasn't drummer for them then.

It was a cool night. It was no My Chemical Romance or anything like that, but seeing familiars do their thing on stage is 100x better than established bands. Huhu... listen to the sentimental old hag.

It was greatest seeing sheel. Cause i really missed her. And Ezza's really sweet. I mean yeah i knew that last year but, i really, really believe it this time around. She knows when you need company that's for sure. Ihsan rocks too... I mean, it was really nice of him to get bullied by four girls into going left and right when he has an assignment, a presentation and a paper coming up in the next few days. Sheel too sacrificed her time which... i should feel guilty for but, the guilt isn't choking me... Cause i wanted to see them so much, i would have done it at a funeral even (yes, i'm heartless =P).

We didn't get to see the band mates much though that would have been sweet. Some drama's unfolding in the back scene but that doesn't involve me so i don't think i'll blog about it. Whatever it is, i hope their friendship stays firm. It's easier said than done i know. It's really bad when you're willing to forget old friends just for the sake of new ones or just dump them aside maybe cause you feel different around them. I've avoided my friends before, when i feel that we're spending too much time so it's a little stifling but, most of the time, when that happens, i'd tell them. It's necessary for them to know the reason for my actions so they won't feel like they're at fault or that there's something heavily amiss somewhere...

Oh, did i mention that K5, Sam and all spent their time with us too? OMG!!!! It was sooooo cool!!!!!!!!! Suzy was the best cause i wasn't that close to him but i rode in his car most of the time and he's really cool. I mean, you can say much and it really slides by him. I hope i didn't irritate him though, though he was really sweet about it. I mean, he sent us back to Cyber and stuff without a single complaint. They're angels man.

It was a real reunion or as much you can get la in that short precious seconds we had.

Altogether, the trip was too brief but i think it succeeded in doing what i hoped it would do; make our friendship stronger. We shouldn't forget our friends just because they moved a little away ne? But, i think this preach wouldn't be that easy to practice cause you can't control the priorities of your mind.

Okay, on to the next part. Or maybe i should say.... Him? Whoa! He gets a capital letter!!! I guess when you're a girl and laddi da di da. Oh bloody hell i don't take this as particularly positive. I;m only thankful that we go to seperate campuses now. Okay, before you think that he's a total asshole, he isn't. It's harsh when you realize that you're still carrying your feelings with you. It was a year. A whole year and that still haven't died. The last time i saw him, it was just like 'Brother!!!!' sorta thing y'know? I was so ready to move on. This so wasn't worth my time. Until i saw him again on this trip and i was like, 'what? wait, did i miss something. Something's weird...' Sometimes i really hate being a girl cause you're a pansy and sensitive and stuff.

I don't think he should die though. It's really frustrating that i miss him so much, i would be willing to trek to MMU to see him now even if possible. I could have. But i won't. Hell, i'm stronger than any emotion. I know for a fact that i don't get over any of my crushes easily. Okay, maybe any that had made it a fraction past the first stage easily. I would say that this crush nearly blew off the third level away. So, that might be why the emotion's still strong.

It makes more sense to ride it than to fight it but, there are various reasons that should be taken to caution. As much as i want to be spontaneous, having him hurt would be the last of my emotions that i want to indulge in. And maybe that's what i fear, i guess. That if there is anything there, he might be hurt as an outcome of it. Cause, i think, when i love, i don't let go. Not even for a fraction of an inch. That's the same with conditional and unconditional love.

I think i might read some fan fiction to get over this, but i think that's what this whole entry is about. Haha!! Took me quite awhile to articulate isn't it?

Anyways, having dreams infested with his face wouldn't be too joyful for me at the moment. I wish my mind's camera would do more than provide my best buds with cameo appearences but you can't give your head authority. I'm gonna pray that i get some Neji in my dreams now. At least that i don't mind indulging in.

Anyways, that's all i have to say.

May tomorrow be better =D

Nites!