ultear

I am afraid to reach my dreams. Am i the only one? How many have refused to thread the path to their ambitions if it means sacrificing the farce of life? Thinking in 'ifs' and 'maybes' that in reflection warrants longing rather than pride? Because we know that if we walk this road, it seems like there is no turning back. Like if this door slams in my face, i will never ever be able to look me in the eye and say 'it's okay'. "We'll get through this". "The next will be better".

The question is, "do I dare?"

Too late. I don't.

I do not believe in dreams anymore. Somewhere along the way, I have cast them as pointless.

Yet a part of me cries, who am i save for my dreams? What are these disenchanted voices in my head that sings different songs? Am I not one?

My soul knows I have wavered. I have lost.my.way. And i do not WANT to go back. Because i know to go back is to grasp my dream. It is to strain for my dream. Starve and suffer and die along a road that i do not know i am able to complete.

Have i the strength? Is this where my youth feels it has failed? Because i am not able to walk this road. I am not able to strive and scream for pure passion. My sword has dulled in its edge.

I am not who I was and I am afraid, the coward that I am.

God help me. God help me. God, help me.

Help me feel because this numbness cripples me. It is so complacent i feel no need for growth.

Please save me before i have nothing but a heart of stone.

untitled

Sometimes I worry I injure others more than I intend. My friendships often consist of two strangers forming ties that till the end of the day, I may know nothing of you. Of me. Of us. We are two who will hurt. I worry we will be a broken people.

I have done society a great injustice by taking a side. By choosing my opinion over the rationality of moderation. There is that middle path should i seek it. Yet the views seem to represent a child who i can barely taste in the passing wind.

I have done the world a great injustice by believing in me. I forget, how i forget the voices in my head.

I hope they return soon.