It has been awhile. Sashiburi da na, my blog... Ha! Ha! It is amusing to some sort. Guess it's been towards a month? Need an update? Nah, this isn't for you. It's for me. I've been irresponsible lately. Only in the last few days. It hasn't been that long, i guess. The irresponsible streak but i've been so tired lately. Know about the crush i told you about? Well, now i know he really has a woman in his closet. Might as well. I was praying for him to get one. But i guess, it doesn't stop your mind from wandering into the what if. I guess he doesn't mind interacting with me cause you can't feel even remotely attracted to me. I'm that sort of person. If i am hanging from a cliff with another, albeit a good-looking woman, dog, man, one would choose to save the other. I'm too strong that only i know how weak i am inside. They don't understand. I want them to but i fear they will reject me. It wouldn't be that difficult... I am unimportant within their grasp. I admitted to sharm just now... i do not know how much i long to be protected until the opportunity was taken from me. I believe they are courting each other. It has not been steady yet but i should act like the bigger person. I should not interfere. I should retract my sword and bow from the battlefield. I want to say so much for others to understand but, i suppose it is not meant to be. God made me whole. I was meant to stand on my own two feet. Loneliness is a coin that reflects the empty space beside me. I am made of two heads, two tails. Two possibilities and two souls. I was never to ask for help, because if i do, it will not arrive. God made me so complete that i live and breathe on my own, my air being mine and no other. It is odd to say that none would be able to accept me. None here anyway. It has been years yet i'm still struggling with the same loneliness. But i guess, everyone goes through it, huh? I'll get over this. I have to.