Birthday and reason

We interrupt our story with an intermission. Haha. Guessed none would wish the hear the story of my past life but i needed to place that on paper because Today, i woke up at the neutral side of the bed, unlike yesterday which i think was the worst side of hell... Haih... Shit happens. We just have to learn to dodge them.

Yesterday, we celebrate a mate of mine's birthday. Actually, his birthday was due in a week's time on the 17th of Feb however, chinese New Year Hols are up so we decided to celebrate it earlier. Well, the night began as quite ar suh... now looking back, i'm not even sure how it ended up that way save the fact that our timing for our baths was slightly miscalculated. Haha!!

I can dolt on the negative aspects of the day but that's be useless. Everyday has its ups and downs and yesterday... well, yesterday was more fortunate to have more ups and downs. We sorta surprised faiz at i think around nine after bouts of apprehension and nervousness. Ezza lured him to the spot and we sorta jumped on him after that. That was amusing. Melissa had to chase him around for awhile cause he thought the present we handed him was a pack full of cockroach XD haha. That was amusing. And all this time we were attempting to keep the candles on his cake alive as the night chose to blow a lot of cold air on this night. Ha! Ha! As a friend of mine say, and i quote "Don't chill. Panic!"

So the harum scarum was done after awhile and we retired to the second floor to see our food as none seems keen on eating in the dark. Then, the birthday boy was to sing a song. And sang he did. I was pleasently surprised as he had a smooth voice, light in comparison to his preferred way of singing. The song he chose was... .... ..... ..... bah! can't remember! but it was a Malay song and sung in the soft voice of his, the moment became tender and sweet. Really, it captivated the audience and if joy could be preserved in my mind, that moment would have been one of them. Just the ultimate content in the minds of those who watched and all of us swept in with the lyrics of the song. It meant a lot to me and i find that, when i leave, i will miss these people after all. But what do you expect? That's humans for you... No matter how you are, who you are, it is impossible for the lives of others not to touch yours. I reverred that beauty in them and i at that moment, i loved all those within the crowd more than anything in the world.

He sang another. A song from 3 doors down. A favourite of mine. Though this was not as beautiful as the first, it was still a nice performance. A dance by babu ended the happy moment and we all retired to eat. When we entered the Mamak shop we asked for four tables and my friend commented that his face lighted up instantly the moment he saw our group walk into the Mamak.

Then, we sat and talked for awhile. Usually, this is the point that i'd cut myself from the group if i felt like it. But tonight, fortunately, i didn't. Well, K5 was there and he is forever my source of amusement. So much did he remind me of Ah Bune that i could not help but tease him as often her. It was fun anyways and when i did retreat into myself, it was a moment of content. I loved to hear their voices, their laughter knowing that the world smiled that night. It was beautiful. Kirei na.

Haha! Anyways, after the meal, Misa and zha zha went back to take a bath, with misa permanently retreating to her home. When we went again to ixora, Adie unpacks his guitar and they began to play a few songs. Before, a few of the boys and Manisha were playing cards. Hehe, have no idea how to spell the name so i'll tell you the rough translation of it, "Put down the Big Two". Yeah. That was it. Anyways, after losing badly once XD i ran to the singing dude. Adie was as usual with the guitar. I guess it doesn't hurt to admire those who are gifted in such things. I loved to see the movements of his fingers as they trailed up the guitar spine. It was... well.... cool for a lack of better word. Anyways, all of us sang much like as we would sitting around a bonfire. The passerbys only stared at the mini concert being held in public. Ha! Ha! Guess we looked like regular teens trashing about or just plain chilling out. It was another moment of peace you know.

Ha! Ha! We were just doing regular things like hanging out together. There was nothing exhilarating or even remotely exciting about it but... it was a couple of friends, together at that moment. All just enjoying the company of the other. Man on his own island yet accompanied by the close lap of the sea, the sweet serenade of the ocean waves and the knowledge that the other is not that far. There is another island a few steps away from your own.

Ha! Ha! Okay, pushing the spotlight to myself for a moment. I did sing. And once, i accidently (?) haha, unsure whether i did it deliberately or not but they were just playing "i will survive" not a fave of mine, mind you but, well we were just belting out the tunes, then it dropped out to just faiz and me then, the next thing i knew, i was singing alone. AND I KEPT ON SINGING!!! Ouch, my eardrums! Now that i think about it, i'm thinking how... show offy that might be. But, reasoning with myself, everyone was silent only at that present moment and i was on auto mode. Or semi-auto mode anyway. So i shouldn't be blamed for anything right? Anyways, couldn't reach the higher note anyway. Ha! Ha! Wasn't prepared for it and i knew if i tried to reach for it, i'd fail miserably so... ijust shut up after that. But, it was a surprise that my heart was beating quite regularly. Usually when i sing in public, my heart'd beat faster than the shinkansen but this time, i was so neutral and pretty much feelingless that it didn't matter. Guess it must be the spell of peace in the air.

Ha! Ha! That was pretty much how the night went. Sharm smsed me in the midst of this and i made the call. She was fine, thank goodness. She sounded sane and i only pray that... if she ever regains her crush on the fellow, i hope he has grown up. He needs to grow a pair of balls, really. Forgive me for the vulgar words yet it must be said though i believe he will never know this blog exists.

Anyways, the conversation moved on to my love life... or the lack of it for that matter. Haha! This has always been an endless source of amusement for me. My decisions are made based on my calculations and well, i told myself that i will never regret them. Besides, as long as my friends are happy, i'd be content.

I should tell you what most of my close buds know anyway. I tend to wish for my crushes to get girlfriends. Not me mind you, another being whose soul is pure. Who's beautiful and can keep them happy. I realise the sense in my actions. The first part is because, that way i can get over them. This is the ultimate reason why i wish for such things to happen. As long as they're happy, i won't feel that upset. Because, sometimes when it's at the stalemate with them aware of my feelings, and me aware of theirs things crop up. Things like, contradictions. Mainly the reason why they shouldn't be with me. ^_^ The list is rather endless. I know myself better than anyone in this world. And to be with me, you need more than a kind heart. We'll just leave it at that. Maybe i'll share some after. I wish them to recieve beautiful girls to bring them happiness because that way i'll never regret my prayer. I wish for their relationships to last because i will never have to imagine myself with them. I'm... weak. They would appreciate flowers. I'm a venus flytrap. Make that a carnivoruos venus flytrap. Think i've digested human before. @_@

Ha! Ha! Enough with the melancholy subject. Sometimes i do wish for people to be with me. For there to be someone present at this moment who can carry me and protect me but, as Sharm said, we have to learn to depend on ourselves. There'll be none that's willing to walk the rest of our lives with us save ourselves... There are the fortunate ones who have found people of such and... it is beautiful to see their union. ^_^ I guess jealousy can strike me at times how complete others are, be it couples or plain friends but, i hope i will learn to appreciate their beauty knowing that the world is coloured by people of such.

I am selfish and cruel. Happiness is only an ideal that i measure plenty against only to find that the picture in my mind is too impossible, it becomes nothingness. But i have experienced completion before, in my alma mater. That was unity that to feel half of it now hurts me a little. But... i love the people here anyways. Even if i mean nothing to them.